OUR MMARRIAGE COVENANT BETWEEN GOD AND OUR MATE

                                                    PART ONE

In chapter five of the book of Ephesians, Paul the Apostle talks about the love of Christ, being pure, and using sound judgment in a marriage relationship with God and a between a husband and wife. The whole intent here is to talk about a healthy relationship between a husband and his wife. Being married for over forty years and raising four children I believe that I have some Godly wisdom and growing pains built into my make up by God. It is my opinion and complete resolve that, being a husband and father is the highest and toughest calling in a person’s life and every thing else is second after that. I also believe that the greatest calling for a woman is being a wife and a mother. We need to come to understand that, our life with our mates should be a permanent and lasting relationship between two people, as we are growing to realize that our relationship with the Lord is the same. When we have doubts that, we are forever secure in our relationship with the Lord, this then is filtered down and will not anchor our relationship with our mates.

As we begin, I cannot help pointing out what’s going on in the courts on same sex marriage is a sign of the end times. Scripture tells us that in the last days before Jesus comes back, it will be like in the days of Sodom and Gomorra. Now I am all for equal rites and I do not believe in bashing anyone. Some of the demeaning and arrogant attitudes that have been perpetrated on the homosexual and lesbian community not even talking about the abortion issue are a disgrace and I believe it has not shown the love of Christ to a sick and dying world. Therefore, with all this noise and confusion in society it’s no wonder that marriage and the sanctity of it is fast become a license to fulfill our canal appetites for sexual pleasure. Our ignorance and lack of commitment to God that we will describe from scripture, will explain to us why divorce is running rampant within the body of Christ and with out.

Over the years, I have talked to Pastors who have told me that, they badly need teachings on family values in their assemblies. If the families of today are to become healthy, it will only be because born again Christians will begin to see how desperately they need to know their position in Jesus Christ. The only key to victorious living is us knowing the high esteem, in which God holds us. If we are word people and searching for a higher wisdom then our own, it’s only then that we will have the ability to live in the righteousness of God.

We must live with an expectation for God to show up at any time and reveal to us more of His loving nature. The pattern for a Godly and loving married relationships between a man and a woman must be totally committed to a righteous relationship with the Holy Spirit. It’s only as we participate and have a healthy covenant God union with Him separately, that our union with each other will be sound, growing and rewarding. Therefore, we will need to define this covenant between God and ourselves and allow the Holy Spirit to show us if it is filtering down into our relationship with our mate as well as our children.

It is a proven fact that there are some intolerable abuses going on, in and out of the Christian community and many marriages are a disaster. You don’t have to have a P.H.D. just live an informed life, stay meditating in God’s word day and night, observe and keep your spiritual ear open to what’s going on in the lives of people today. We have born again believers living in relationships giving examples of evil persuasions and not committed to each other, let alone not obeying the laws of the land by not having a marriage license. It is evident to me that womanhood has been under such a terrible attack and woman over the years have become second-rate citizens in their own eyes and the eyes of others. To this day, they are paraded as love slaves to men and have been put up on display in the movies and television as pieces of meat to be abused.

We have had the woman’s lib movement going on forever and woman have been rebelling and they think they have started to claim their rites as equal human beings. It’s a no brainer why some men don’t know if they are men and women don’t know if their women. It is obvious to me that Satan has so wormed his way into the hearts of people both saved and unsaved and we have become spiritually brain dead in discerning between what is Godly purity and what is a total perversion of the hearts of mankind. To me it is a scary scene how man is every day being seduced and being Novocained into a malaise of spiritual ignorance and our freedoms of choice are being eroded by so called leaders with no integrity or moral resolve. It is obvious to me that marriage and child rearing was the most convenient way for God to show us what Christianity was all about. We need to look at marriage as one of many separate cells and God being the head who is nourishing it.

It is very unfortunate that we have had marriage teachings and testimonies in Christian circles that have made woman believe that, the only importance for them is to stay barefoot and pregnant. It’s no wonder that the body of Christ has been so sluggish in comparison to their God given potential over the years. It’s because women have not found their place and functioned as God intended. Because of this, the body of Christ is out of a Godly order and we need to believe that, unless God builds His house, we will labor in vain and never reach our potential.

Ephesians 5:21-33 will be our central theme. We will be tearing it apart and discovering its meaning. Paul the Apostle states, “1.) Submit yourselves to one another out of a reverential fear of the Lord the anointed one. 2.) Wives submit yourselves to your husbands, (adapting your self to your own husband,) as you do to the Lord. 3.) “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church and He Christ is the Savior of the body.” As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wife be to her own husbands in everything. 4.) Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave His life up for it. That He might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. That he might present the church to himself in glorious splendor, without spot and wrinkle or any such things, so that she may be holy and spotless. 5.) Husbands should love their wives (being in a sense) their own bodies. A husband who loves his wife loves his himself. 6.) For no man who ever hated himself, goes about nourishing and caring for himself as Christ does for the church. 7.) For we are members of Christ’s body as if a part of His flesh and bone. 8.) For this cause, a man shall leave his mother and his father and join himself to his wife, and the two of them shall become one flesh. 9.) This mystery (Or dialogue) is very great, but I am using this example of marriage as the relationship between Christ and His body the church. 10.) So, let each one of you with out exception love his wife as he loves himself; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband and admires him exceedingly.”

1.) Submit yourselves to one another out of a reverential fear of the Lord the anointed one. The word submit means, to come under a Godly ordained order. This is very different then what I have heard preached over the years that, a woman has some legalist obligation to submit like a slave and lose her independents to a man’s orders.

In Hebrews 12:28-29 Paul the apostle states, “ since we now live in God’s kingdom, we need to be learning that, this will make us firm and stable and we will not be shaken. We should be offering up to God pleasing service and acceptable worship, with modesty, pious care and Godly fear and awe; for our God is indeed a consuming fire.”

Let’s ask ourselves, are we living and conforming in this learning relation with the Holy Spirit and sensing the stability of walking in God’s kingdom? Do we have this fear or reverential awe, with a broken humility and a carefulness of not missing one word spoken out of the mouth of God? It is important for us to understand, what a reverential fear of God represents. Down through the hundreds of years of history we have countless interpretation of the fear of God and what it produces. Scripture for me makes it very clear and simple.

The fear of God should be the number one objective that rules in our hearts, where the issues and decision making for our lives are formed. This relationship leads us to know how to interact love one to another. This is what empowers us in renouncing and avoiding evil and us coming to understand that, the wisdom that God is communicating to us for our wholeness can never be lost. From this relationship, it filters down to love for self and our mates and then allows our children to be obedient to parents. It is this type of walk and growth in this relationship with the Lord that gives us the ability and power to submit to one another.

This verse also describes God as a consuming fire. That is somewhat scary. Does that mean that if we miss God’s will, He’ll destroy us and maybe we will burn in hell or maybe He will cause us to have pain and sickness and some great catastrophe will befall us. I really believe that a majority of born again believers live with this hidden fear in their minds in one form or another. Let me give you an alternative train of thought. The word consuming is katanarkao: meaning, to consume utterly with great intensity and to draw yourself to someone by making amends for their sins.  

In chapter 3 of Exodus, we have the story of an encounter that Moses had with a burning bush. What is amazing; God spoke out of the burning bush and it was not being consumed. God had this encounter with Moses so that, He could give him direction and the power he would need to fulfill God’s will for his life. I will paraphrase this encounter because I believe that God wants us to experience this same type of relationship with Him by us understanding that, he wants to be a consuming fire or burning bush in us.

Moses was going about his normal occupation as a herdsman in the wilderness. Our occupation and the actions of our lives are our wilderness walk. Scripture describes our life on earth as a wilderness walk. Let’s remind ourselves that this wilderness is not our permanent home. We are eternity people. It says that he had a hunger for God and was always anticipating and had an awareness of the changing scenarios or events going on in his life. It is crucial that we live with a desire for change and recognize God who will show up at any time to give us a higher awareness of the real love He has for us. It says that he saw a burning bush that was not being destroyed by the fire and since this was an unnatural occurrence, he went towards the fire to check it out. When the Lord saw that, he had the right attitude and a hunger to seek after this vision; this then gave God permission to talk to him out of this burning bush. God will not force His will on anyone. God said, “Come closer, but first take off your shoes because, I am a holy God who wants to have a relationship with you.”

God went on to tell Moses that, He saw the affliction of His people by the Egyptians and He wanted to save them from their misery. God has not changed. Scripture tells us He is the same yesterday, today and forever. God’s is always, with great intensity trying to save His people from their own ignorance and lack. Now it is important that we understand this concept of Moses taking off his shoes so he could approach God.

The word shoe in the Hebrew is naal: meaning, to take possession of something by giving up an idea of not wanting to be married. These shoes were valueless and dry shod and God was trying to show him how meaningless they were. God was trying to impress upon Moses the idea that, he had some concepts in his thinking that had to change and he was going to have to reveal to Moses some lack of commitment that he had in His relationship with Him. These shoes represented that, there was a lack of total commitment to a marriage that God intensely wanted with Him and His people.

In James 4:5 it states, “The Spirit that God put in us yearns over us and He yearns for His Spirit to be welcomed by us because, God is a jealous lover.” In Jeremiah 3:14 among many other places in the bible, God refers to Himself as a husband to His body the church, which is His bride. We begin to see how intense God is on wanting to consume us with Himself and us allowing His Spirit to flow in our very being. A fire is used in many applications to reveal and to purify things. You will notice that God was not destroying this bush, which is an extension of his creation. We are His creation and it is not His intention to burn our bodies up with His presence, which lives with in us, if we are born again.

The Holy Spirit wants to speak to us daily out of ourselves. However, we must be anticipating and interacting this kind of encounter with God. We need to live a life style of us allowing Him to burn up all the things in us that hinders us from functioning in our inheritance the day we received Jesus as our Savior. It’s only this mutual and advantages partnership with the Lord that will make us able for God to continually be making amends for the lack of purity in our lives. Remember consuming means, allowing God to make amends for our sin. This word amends means that, we give God the final authority to repair and restore our relationship with Him. He does this by us beginning to see that, we are looked at by Him as being blameless, free from evil and be set apart unto Him. This is what our righteousness in Christ represents.

Paul in Romans 12:1-2 with great passion makes a very gut wrenching statement when he says to these Romans, “In the view of all the mercies of God. Make a decisive dedication of your bodies by presenting all your members and faculties as a living sacrifice, holy, devoted and well pleasing to God, which is your rational, intelligent service and spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world by adapting to external superficial customs. However, be transformed by the entire renewal of your mind and prove what Gods perfect will is for your lives”

This word view in the Greek means, the Holy Spirit’s personality is compassionate and has the power to show clemency to us when we veer and offend in word and deed. This takes place as we acknowledge our need for him. We need to give Him permission to reveal and empower us to not stay in a crosswise condition with God. This verse also says that, we need to become a living sacrifice. You remember the example of the burning bush. It was not being consumed in the fire. It was a living burning bush. In the Old Testament, scripture tells us that the people would offer up unblemished animals as an offering for their sins in an attitude of thankfulness and God would forgive them. There are many examples in the Old Testament. I will use one to make my point.

In Genesis chapter 8: we have the encounter of Noah after the flood. God told him to get off the ark and let the animals go. In verse 20 it says that, Noah built an altar unto the Lord, and took of every four footed animal and of every clean fowl or bird and offered it up as a burnt offering in thanksgiving. When the Lord smelled the pleasuring odor or the sweet savor, which was a satisfaction to His heart, the Lord said to Himself. I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the strong desires of a man’s heart is to do evil and be wicked from his youth, and never again will I destroy every living thing as I have done. Noah knew how to get God’s attention and favor.

As Christians, we know that, only things that are love based can have any power to change circumstances. In 1Cor.13: which is the love chapter, it describes the type of love God has for us. It says that, if we do not function in a love-motivated passion, we are a noisy gong, clanging cymbal and a useless nobody. The bible says that, God is love. He manifested that love by sending His first-born Son into the world.

Jesus became a human being and died a horrible death on the cross so humanity could have a whole and healthy relationship with Him. Therefore, only Jesus can be used as a role model because, He is the author and the first to fulfill His calling on the earth. In Ephesians 5:2 Paul states, “walk in love esteeming and delighting in one another as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, as a slain offering and sacrifice to God so that, ( He ) became a sweet smelling fragrance in the nostrils of God His Father.”

Unless we as men begin to understand and function in this sacrificial way in our relationship with the Lord and understand what a covenant relationship with the Lord is all about, we can forget about getting the most out of our covenant relationship with our wives, let alone having our children walking in obedience to God’s will in their lives. If we are willing to participate in our purification of having our burning bush experience in Christ and lay down our lives on the alter, we can then live in the promise that Paul the Apostle gave to the Corinthians in 11Cor.2:14-15. He states, “ thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumph as a trophy of Christ’s victory and through us spreads and makes evident the fragrance of the knowledge of God everywhere.  For (we are) the sweet smelling fragrance of Christ which is absorbed into God nostrils and He is able to discern the difference between those that are living a relationship with Him as His children and those who are not.” We see here that at one time animals were burnt on the altar as a sweet smelling fragrance to get God’s attention. Now we see that Jesus became the mediator and example to have our sins forgiven and He became the sweet smelling fragrance. If we are going to follow His example, can we do anything less then us becoming a sweet smelling fragrance?

2.) Wives submit yourselves to your husbands, (adapting your self to your own husband,) as you do, to the Lord. We see here that, there is a condition that has to exist for a wife to submit to her husband. When a person adapts it means, they modify themselves to conform to a situation or environment. As women explore their covenant relationship with the Lord and present their body to be burned as a sacrificial offering to God in her walk with the Holy Spirit. She gets in touch with her God given ability to naturally adapt to her husband but only in a God ordained divine order. This is an inbred characteristic given to women by God so they can be guarded and made complete. Because this principle has not been understood, the abuse-taking place to woman has done more harm then any other area of growth patterns among people.

In Genesis chapter 2: we have the account of how women came into exists.  Verses 18-23 tell us that God said, “It is not sufficient or satisfactory that the man should live alone; I will make him a helpmeet, equal, suitable and adaptive to him. God out of the ground formed every beast and living creature of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to named and what ever he called them, this is how they are known. Even though, Adam took dominion and named all the creatures there was not found a suitable creature adaptable for him. Therefore, God put Adam into a deep sleep and while he slept, he took one of his ribs, which was a part of his side and closed up the area where the rib was with flesh.  He then took the rib, built it up, made a woman, and brought her to Adam. When Adam saw her, he said “this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Me.”

We will talk about this concept of flesh and bone later on. We can see here that God had a definite purpose and plan to show us from the scriptures that a relationship between a husband and wife has a permanency connected to it. Adam had the authority and took control and named the animals however, there was no animal that had the traits to fulfill his needs and become adaptable to him. Is it possible that God cloned the first woman out of Adams own cells?

Let’s see in scripture the traits that a woman should have to be able to adapt to her husband. In Titus 2:3-5 it states, “The elder women in their conduct should be reverent and devoted by being holy. They should not be a false accuser, a slave to drink, but teachers of good things. Their example is to teach younger women to be sober, to love their husbands and to love their children. They are to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good and obedient to their husbands, so that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

The word elder women in the Greek does not mean physical years, but a women who has a wisdom from God through a Holy Spirit relationship of spiritual maturity. This word holy in the Greek is hieroprepes: or prepo: meaning, to tower up or be conspicuous. She should have an inner strength and an authority to command and be clearly visible. It goes on to say that, they should not be false accusers. The word accuser in the Greek is diabolos: meaning, to misrepresent ones conduct and character or to defame and slander. You will notice here that, Paul the Apostle first talks about the high and lofty position that a women should command in her life. He then brings out the vulnerability that she is susceptible to in her communication skills. We said that Eve was to be a helpmeet not a help slave or a dominating boss to Adam.

We know that Eve had a séance with the Devil and violated God’s order in her relationship with her husband. When she did this, she became a false accuser. Rather then going to her husband as a co-authority on wisdom matters, she did not recognize and communicate with the kingship authority that a man represents in God’s order of things. Things have not changed and the same conflict stills exists between husbands and wives today.

Having been married for over forty years, I have come to realize what a sensitive nature my wife has and how susceptible she is to picking up emotional disturbances in the makeup of man. I have learned through trial and error to appreciate her insight and not to provoke her false accuser vulnerability. It is crucial that a woman adapts in Godly order for her own wholeness, security and that when she is communicating with her husband, she talks to the greatness within him rather then accuse him of his faults and weaknesses.

This false accuser mentality in behavior patterns portrays an attack upon an enemy or an opponent fighting for their rights to feel needed and important. Unless we as born again believers have knowledge of the scriptures and how God intended for husband and wife to function as equal partners, we will never be able to put things right in God’s scheme of things.

This scripture goes on to say that a women should not be a slave to drink but be sober and chaste. I do not believe that Paul was giving a rebuke as telling women that, they have a tendency to become alcoholics. He was talking about an inward trait of temperance coming out in their behavior and having self-control. I have learned by example because I am married to a spiritual woman that, they have the capacity to size up and discern spiritual activity quicker with a lot more sensitivity then men. Because of their gifting, they have to guard themselves as to being strong in discretionary revelation. There is a tendency for them to be curious and inquiring. Therefore, this leads them into gossipy speculation that does not lead to sound judgment, with a cautious wisdom and complete thought on all possibilities.

This meaning, they judge things by the outward appearance. In addition, at times they do not see the operation of the Holy Spirit at work in the healing process. This is exactly what took place in the Garden of Eden between Adam and Eve with the Devil being the instigator. At the same time, a wife needs to be guarded and protected by their husband through a communication process. We will later go on to describe a husbands duties and his submission to God‘s defined order for him.

It goes on to say that, a woman has the responsibility to teach and roll model to younger women with the sober and chaste nature they possess, on how to love their husband and their children. I personally believe from what I have observed with in the Christian community, that there is not enough of this happening. I have no problem with women ministering in church circles. However, it is to the degree that their gifting is being used out of order. If the family settings can come under divine order, a woman’s wholeness and fulfillment will follow. Unless the church gets a vision of God’s road map in this area and an awareness of how to pursue it, there will be a lack of total fulfillment in a woman’s life. God made us to be people that have a need to be rewarded on a daily basis for being obedient to His divine plans. This is a great motivator in Godly pursuits. If we do not function in divine order, we pursue quantity in life not quality of life. The seeking of possessing more whether it is financially or wanting power to control people’s lives does not bring a healthy wholeness.

This verse goes on to say that, they are first to be discreet and chaste. This word discreet in the Greek is sophron: meaning, self-controlled as to opinion and passion, and having the ability to make people healthy because of a sympathetic and sensitive nature of understanding. The word chaste is hagnos: meaning, having a moderate or unpretentious opinion of one’s self worth and ability, with a dedication and devotion to the Lord for His specific purposes.

What marvelous gifted people women are, to be so prized by God and be endowed with such trust and favor to be helpmeets to their husbands. With this type of gifting, you can see why it is so important for them to be dedicated in their pursuit of God and function in His anointing. The opposite of this is, they become an accuser of their husbands and don’t address the Kingship qualities with in him. Unless this gift of adaptability given to women at birth is being empowered by the Holy Spirit, they will operate in their own strength and we will have a lack of unity with in the marriage. Scripture tells us, “A house divided against it self can not stand.” This verse goes on to say, she should be a good keeper at home and obedient to her own husband.

The word keeper is oikouros: meaning, domestically inclined, for home building and family values. The word obedient is hupatasso: meaning in a subordinate position and be subjective in her God ordained role. We see here that this word obedience has the same definition in the Greek as the word submit, when it says, “we should submit ourselves one to another.” When she functions in a subordinate position and acts subjectively. It means she takes authority by the empowerment given to her by God to speak her mind on God given inspiration in her role in domestic and homebuilding family matters and be the helpmeet God provided for a man. When we have a false interpretation on this word obedience, the body of Christ becomes baffling and inept. Women were led to believe that, they were inferior in some aspect of the relationship. Doesn’t our power as Christians flow in our capacity to come as a servant to set people free and grow in the power of the Holy Spirit? !Being subordinate empowers our servant hood!

A woman adapts to her husband as a servant of God in power when she knows her God ordained talents and position of how to function in Godly ordained ways. It is the husband’s responsibility to encourage her in her gifting. It is vital that the husband listens and communicates with his wife’s perceptions and lives in a relationship of constantly learning to understand how wonderfully she was made by God to help him to mature and become whole. Scripture tells us that a man should live with his wife in a process of constantly getting to know her better. You cannot learn about your wife unless you are having intimate time in conversing with her. This is how we learn to know our wives.

In reality, we minister to her as we become more transparent with our feelings. In turn, this makes her know how important she is to God and ourselves. Is it because we don’t recognize God’s ways or is it that we covet other people’s prestige’s roles and are led away by our own desires for recognition? How much more power can a person have by God then to be empowered to give a word of wisdom to her man and form the lives of her God given children to grow up and go out and minister to a sick and dying world.

When things are not done in order, this scripture goes on to say, “The word of God will be blasphemed.” The word blasphemed in the Greek is blasphemeo: meaning, to hurt or destroy, to speak falsehoods and pass ugly rumors about our understanding of God’s plan for a covenant relationship.

What we do is misrepresent the love and character of God to each other. What is amazing, for years we have preached on not taking the name of the Lord in vain and what a big sin this is yet, we do not realize that, our words and attitudes towards our mates are actually destroying and breaking our covenant vows the day we got married. We must be educating the body of Christ on what our commitment was to each other, the day we decided to say “I Do.”

Continued in part two