MARRIAGE COVENANT

                                                            PART TWO

3.) “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church and He Christ is the Savior of the body.” As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wife be to her own husbands in everything.

The word husband is aner: meaning, an individual male, or a man faced human being. This word also represents something that is to be looked at as remarkable and something to be watched and continually to be inspected. What I believe God is trying to communicate here is what He said in Gen. 1:2 when He said, “Let us make man in our image and likeness.” Adam was made in God’s likeness. That is why he is so remarkable and man needs to be watched and understood as God sees him because, man has yet to become all that God intended. God knows the shortcomings in man but, He never tires and His unfailing optimism and the enjoyment He gets when we allow Him to conform us to His perfect will, is the total motivation of His heart.

The word head is kapto: meaning, to seize or to take hold. When a man takes hold, he operates in the authority and a priestly function given to him by God. A man is given a priestly ministry by God to be the watchmen and guardian to his home by being a protector in Godly wisdom and humble leadership to his wife and children. This is a profound calling and something through experimentation and interacting with the Holy Spirit that brings meaning to life. Paul uses the comparison of Jesus Christ’s authority and leadership over the body of Christ as a man’s role model for leadership.

When I first became aware of this responsibility, it scared me and I wondered how I was going to be able to do this. When a man has a true hungering relationship with God and identifies the love of God operating in his life, it is only then that, he will have a passion and fellow feeling with the heart of God, walk in obedience and be able to come under a Godly ordained order. This is turn will come out of his being, in words and actions and create a drawing power and it will make it a lot easier for a woman to adapt and want to be covered by a decisive leader and head.

4.) Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave His life up for it, so that He might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. That he might present the church to himself in glorious splendor, without spot and wrinkle or any such things, so that she may be holy and spotless. The roll model for a husband to love his wife is a mind staggering responsibility when you think of the scripture that tells us that, “Greater love has no man then this that, he lay down his life for his friends.”

If you look at it from this perspective, a wife should be a husband’s best friend. Being married is like us going through the process of getting to know the Lord. I’ve been married forty years and I am still learning and growing in my relationship with my wife. Over the years, I have heard all kinds of testimonies from born again believers and the struggles they are having of being a husband and father. I believe that there has to come a total open nakedness between a husband and wife in transparency of thoughts and fellow feelings as there has to be with our relationship with the Holy Spirit.

Couples should be totally informed before they get married by well-schooled people who really discern the commitment that it will take to live in a vibrant married life. Paul reiterates in scripture that, it would be better to stay single and devote your life to totally seeking the Lord. He says when you marry you then have to care about the needs of your wife. On the other hand, scripture tells us that it is better for two to walk together because, when one becomes depressed the other will be there to encourage. Therefore, we see that there is nothing wrong with being married because; God will supply the grace for us to live a fulfilled married life.

The need for sound marriage counseling before marriage is imperative. Scripture tells us for a lack of knowledge my people are perishing. I personally believe through personal involvement that, more people get married because of lust, acceptance and loneliness. This is why sound Christian counseling is so badly needed, so people can sort out their true feelings. Us being carnal and undisciplined is caused because; we have never been discipled in our Christian walk. This has caused too many people to waste their most prized position, which is the life God has given them.

Now this verse tells us that we have to sanctify our wives. Well what does that mean? Let’s explore this statement. The word sanctify in the Greek is haglazo: meaning to venerate or to regard with polite respect or deference. Now if you’re reading this and you have some unresolved issues with your wife. These issues come to the surface at certain times and are caused by the children’s needs or some unfulfilled expectations. There are many unfulfilled expectations in us. Each one has to be addressed by us between the Holy Spirit and ourselves. In addition, children’s needs do not end for parents when they leave their parents house. Let me say that when I write these articles I feel like I am talking to someone. As you are reading this, don’t feel like you are having some special trial in your attempt to improve your relationship with your mate. This as I have said is an on going experience and heart felt emotional rolling coaster ride at times. If your emotions are not totally caught up in your relationship with your mate then, your marriage is dead.

We said, a woman has the vulnerability of berating their husbands and not talking to the greatness in them. Even though this happens, we as men have a responsibility to sanctify our wives and have a polite respect for them at all times. Have you ever had any fights with your wife and lost your cool. It’s not easy if your wife has just read you the riot act and you felt personally attacked.

I am sure you really wanted to sanctify her at that time. I have heard more men and that includes myself a time or two saying, “I can’t live with her and I can’t live without her.” What we need is some good honest group meetings of married couples and them feeling free to talk about their married relationship in the body of Christ today. I’ve done this with my own married children.

Scripture tells us in 1Col. 3:19 “Husbands love your wife and do not become bitter against them.” This word bitter in the Greek is pikraino: meaning, being sharp or harsh. If we are men who are determined to fulfill God’s ordained role for our lives, we are going to get deep emotional hurts at times in the process of growing and having a vibrant married life. The thing that is dangerous, you can set up camp and have unresolved issues that fester for years. Divorce is something that happens internally before it manifests it self in court. That’s why scripture says; don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Even though I have been accused of being an eternal optimist, I believe that things can become so imbedded in your heart that, there is no healing for some.

There is a great ache in me when I see and talk to people that have stopped learning and have the attitude that, they have arrived at some complete stature in Christ and this is all they need. These traits come from people living in denial and no longer wanting to deal with unresolved issues. These are people that with all the gut wrenching pleas that I have had with them, it has fallen on deaf ears. My only hope is that I have to become more of an eternal optimist like God. I hate to see anybody fall between the cracks and miss God’s best.

Let me share a simple principle among many that describes what I believe to be what many marriages on built on. In the book of the Song of Solomon 8:7, it says, “Many waters can not quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be despised or scorned. When you scorn you will not submit to an ordained authority and God’s plan for a healthy marriage. If you can be honest with your feelings and recognize the enormous pressure today to raise a family in the society that we live in. Our security for just paying the bills in most cases needs two paychecks, both husband and wife working. This word waters in this verse represents the pressures of life. Some times these pressures come at us as a flood and we become totally overwhelmed. Scripture tells us that when the storms of life come in like a flood, the Lord will lift up a standard against it.

There will be no standard that God will be able to raise up for us to escape the cares of life if, we stay ignorant of God’s ordained plan for marriage. With all the wonderful talents and uniqueness, that woman represent, as a helpmeet for men, financial security for them is a greater need then for a man. A man who does not understand God’s divine order will buy into a woman need for security. Sex is not only a good thing but also a great thing. God made it that way not only to propagate His creation but also, for man and woman to have a coming together for a physical and emotional oneness.

That’s why the lust issue in movies and TV of what love represents is an abomination in role modeling heart felt love between two people. A man was made by God to have his head turned in the direction of a woman. A woman that understands her creative seductive behavior can manipulate a man who has no deep-rooted relationship in the Holy Spirit. Now this is the crux of the matter. I have seen and heard from men and that includes myself at one time that our responsibility was to go out and supply our daily bread and if I would do all I could to be a great breadwinner, my wife and I would have a vibrant married life. In essence, because of my ignorance I thought this is the way for a man to love his wife.

In reality, I bought into my wife’s fears because; I did not understand that this was not what God intended. I was trying to make my wife happy by supplying her need so she wouldn’t be afraid. A woman will never be secure and submit to a man who is called by God to be the Lord of his home by him trying to buy her affections. This whole issue of marriage is being built on sinking sand and a survival mode mentality. Rather then a growing marriage, we have a woman living with a deep-seated scorning of the man’s authority given to him by God. I have also seen where a man will not work and just stay at home while the wife works and raises the children. This is also out of God’s divine order of things.

Let me remind you before we go on that, real life or death in physical relationships starts in the Spiritual World. We were made by God to be spirit beings with physical bodies, which is the house that God lives in if, we are born again people. Therefore, the source of all empowerment to love has to be motivated and empowered by the Holy Spirits wisdom and we have to be enlightened and taught by Him. Scripture tells us that whenever we try to solve the problems of life without the instruction of the Holy Spirit it brings death to us and not the abundant life that Jesus promised.

Now this verse goes on to say that, we sanctify our wives by the water of the washing of the word. In our relationship with the Holy Spirit, our meditating on God’s word day and night as scripture tells us to do, allows the Holy Spirit to mix His thoughts with our thoughts as we allow Him to mold our thinking into His way of reasoning. This happens by us being able to recognize His voice.

In Hebrews 5:14 Paul tells us that, “Solid food is for full grown men and women, who’s senses and mental faculties are being trained by practice to discriminate and distinguish between what is morally good and noble verses what is evil and contrary either to divine or human law.” This meaning that, we have to get out of our diaper stage mentality and living on a milk diet and start maturing in our Christian walk. Our improving relationship with our mate is founded on how much enlightenment we are being exposed to by our hungering and thirsting after God. Even though men and women both have to be God seekers, a man seems to have a greater need to learn how to die to self and allow God to show him what it will take for him to love his wife.

He needs to have a vision, identify himself with Jesus death on the cross, and have the capacity to experience Jesus sensations, emotions and thoughts. This happens by him having God seeking as his first priority in his life. Yes, we said he is the breadwinner but this will not make his wife able to adapt to him in a God ordained order. It’s as we hear preached in too many pulpits today. “Pay your tithes and offerings and this will find you in good stead and God will bless you and answer all your prayers. Don’t pay your tithes and you will be robbing God and in some instances being told you will be going to hell.”

Now giving into the kingdom of God is good and being a giver under the Holy Spirits leading allows us to walk in obedience. This is a subject in it self. I will in the coming months have an article on what it means to be a good steward in the kingdom. For now, this is only an example. When we do not understand how to walk in a clear understanding of holiness, it stops us from having the vibrant fulfilled marriage He intended for us.

In my growing pains in endeavoring to love my wife and children, since I have a teaching gift, I love to expound on the word at just a drop of a hat. When I first got married, I read in scripture that it said, “While we are in the way in our daily travels we are to talk about the Lord.” If you talk to my kids, they will tell you until the day they left my house, every gathering we had, we talked about the Lord. Now when we gather together today in each other’s homes, we talk about the Lord. I have learned over the years that, you can know the bible from cover to cover, but still miss communicating the love of God with family and friends.

This idea of having your senses exposed is learning how to be quit and beginning to function in a three-way conversation when talking to one person or many. This means between you the people and the Holy Spirit. My wife over the years has reminded me that she doesn’t need to have a teacher wife relationship with me. She has informed me at times that she wants the privilege to make her own mistakes. That has taught me that, at times, I have a tendency to not allow people to experience their own walk with the Lord because; I don’t want them to go through some unnecessary growing pains.

If real love is functioning and working in a relationship, you have to become a sound-minded listener. I believe that men have the tendency to hear the problem, give the answer, and go on to the next challenge. Women do not function this way. That is why scripture tell us to live with our wives in the knowledge of her. I am still learning how to give quality time to my wife’s needs. As a father having kids and raising them, unless we discern God’s ordained order for marriage, we have a tendency to work to survive in life and during the child rearing years, we forget that it took some time and effort to woo our wives. I often remark in reminiscing at family gatherings how when I was dating my wife, I was number one and the knight in white shinning armor. After having four children, I ended up being fifth on my wife’s priority list.

Since my kids all left our house not meaning that, they are out of our thoughts or concerns, my wife and I have been working on rediscovering and adding to our relationship. This at times has been challenging. I am very thankful to God that, He has been faithful even though we have made some mistakes in raising our children and at times lost sight of each other. However, Gods holding power and loving nature to us through some tough years has my wife and I still expecting God to fulfill the promises He gave us some thirty-five years ago. If we are going to be sanctifiers in our relationship with our wives, we had better learn to become good listeners and begin to now how our helpmeets (wives) tick. I have to continually remind myself that, a hug for sanctifying is stronger at times then a spoken word. That is called empathy. It only comes when we men spend time in having the Holy Spirit sensitize our hearts with His feelings as we meditate on the word day and night.

Now this verse goes on to use the example of Christ coming back for a church without spot and wrinkle. Therefore, He will present the church to himself in glorious splendor. Meaning, she will look at herself as holy and spotless. This is the way God looks at us now. I have talked about this principle in other newsletters. This idea of looking at ourselves without  wrinkle, holy and spotless is something we must stay anchored in and believe. We cannot stay anchored into believing this, unless we are continually being reminded of this by the Holy Spirit. There is always the tendency in us to come back under control of the shame-based nature we inherited from Adam and Eve. It is the Holy Spirits desire to keep us free from our shamed-based nature thinking and acting. This He does as we allow Him to continually confirm to us, our true condition in His sight. Our shame-based nature is something we grow out of as we hunger after God. It is the continuing power of God saving us from ourselves. This is us experiencing the continuing work of salvation the day we made Jesus our Savior. This has to go on because; we have to make Jesus, Lord over our lives, not just our Savior. This is us living by faith and maturing to become grown adults in God’s kingdom.

If a man is not being delivered from, his shame based nature and becoming an adult in his spiritual persuits, he cannot by his words and actions present his wife to himself with out spot or wrinkle. The reason for this is that, he by example does not interact with her and confirm or deny what the Holy Spirit is telling her in her own seeking after God. This becomes even more difficult if he uses a condemning attitude towards her. A condemning attitude in any form really is a spirit of murder. Now this is assuming that our wives are actively seeking God with passion. In too many cases, women are more intense in seeking the Lord then men are. However, if we have a situation where only the man is the God seeker, he has to be even more intune to not give offense by word or example to his wife. We can see that we have many sinerios of abuse going on in marriages today.

Divorce comes because of the disillusionment and utter despair in our thinking and this becomes intolerable with emotional pain.

These begin over normal trials that we live through in our quest to live an abundant relationship with our mates but, when problems arise, they must be nipped in their first budding. It also is important that, we are being influenced by a healthy family of mature Christians, who look after each other so that, none of us falls back from receiving the grace of God in our time of need. We need this support to strength us in our un-God like reasoning that; God is trying to deliver us from. You need to also realize that when we sit under unrighteous teaching in any form, this only compounds the problem. Therefore, we see here the power and responsibility we have of being a broken and humble vessel in protecting our wives as men.

5.) Husbands should love your wives (being in a sense) their own bodies. A husband who loves his wife loves his himself. This whole concept of loving your self is found in 1John 4:19 which states, “We love God because we are learning by interacting with Him that, He loves us.” To some of you, you will think this is a redundant statement. If you spend time reading the bible, you find it is a continuous message by all the authors of how to experience the love of God in your life. As we learn about being loving, it only comes as we experience God’s hugs and affection. We begin to recognize the high esteem that God holds us in. In turn, we begin to not doubt the Holy Spirits press reports about our total security in Christ. This then makes us able to transfer these feelings and we are able to love others because; we are able to love ourselves.

The real issue is that, we are our worst enemies. Scripture tells us that when we stop functioning under the influence of the Holy Spirit we become mere beasts. We begin to understand what Jesus meant in John 15:5 when He said, “I am the vine and you are the branches. If you abide in me and I abide in you, you will bear much fruit. However, without Me, you can do nothing.”

In my years of learning to know God, I personally do not believe that, the body of Christ really understands and walks in the awareness of this statement by Jesus. When we have a lack of revelation and do not walk in this arena with the Lord, our love for our wives and our children will never filter down as God intended. This word abides in the Greek is meno: meaning, to stay in a permanent expectancy and anticipate hearing that still small voice of God in our life because, we are His own children. This is not a definition but a way of life that we have to be experiencing in the Spirit world.

Before Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden, they lived with no shame because; they were continually naked and transparent before God. When God made Adam, it says that, He breathed life into him and he became a living soul. He then stepped back and said, “This is good.” The soul part of man is his intellect, will and emotions. The part breathed into man was the spirit and extension of God Himself. Now God said, “It was not good for man to live alone and He would make him a helpmeet.” We said this meant that Eve was an equal, suitable and adaptable to him.

He cloned Eve from one of Adams own cells. She was an extension of the nature of God that He gave to Adam when He made him. When Eve listened to the Devil and got Adam to do the same by eating from the Tree of Good and Evil, this is when they became infected with the shame-based nature we were all born with. Unless us as men in our position of headship have a passionate and totally committed life in the Holy Spirit, it will be impossible for us to have our doubts and apprehensions washed away by the word of God. When this type of relationship is not taking place, we never come to understand that, God looks at us as being, blameless, free from evil and set apart as to be one of His own. This is the basic reason why a man has a problem loving his wife because; he never comes to love himself as God does. Unless we as men recognize our total dependency on the Holy Spirit to train us how to become servants, the curse of fouled up relationships in marriage will continue.

6.) For no man who ever hated himself, goes about nourishing and caring for himself as Christ does for the church. This shame-based nature that we inherited from our earthly parents is fueled by this entity of hate. The word hated in the Greek is miseo: meaning to detest, persecute or to love less. Listen very carefully here.

This is why when Jesus was going through His earthly walk and gathering His disciples, He from time to time had to reprimand them because, in their ignorance, they would function back under their shame-based nature. At those times, Jesus would tell them, “don’t you know what spirit is motivating you to say those things. It’s the spirit of the Devil who was once your father. I have come to save the world not to condemn it.” The more God reveals to me the warfare that we are involved in. The more aware I am how critical it is to walk in the admonition of the Lord. It makes me thankful and hungrier to walk carefully and obedient to His every word. It’s us understanding our position in Christ that empowers us to deal with a very real enemy. When we stay babies in our dippers and walk in a carefree indifference to our position in Jesus Christ, the real enemy we face is the person we see in the mirror every morning. Ignorance of God’s word and His ways is a killer.

Unless we begin to understand what and how our shame based nature works and the way it hinders us from living free to think, feel and explore our relationship with God, there is no hope for mankind to reach his potential. I am talking about God’s interpretation of potential. Unsaved man has no concept of God potential and I am grieved to say that the body of Christ has lived in mediocrity and the God we know about is only known on paper with rote words of understanding. When I say rote I mean, without spiritual intellectual attention to God’s real heart felt feelings.

Now scripture tells us that, “perfect love cast out fear.” As we participate with God and allow Him to lavish His love on us, we are constantly being delivered from a fear conscious mentality. It reminds me of the scenario “she loves me she loves me not.” In James chapter one he tells us that a double minded man can receive nothing from the Lord because, he is unstable in all his ways.

When we function in double mindedness, this is a trait of the shame-based nature. Let me make my self-clear on this issue. If you are not a God seeker and mediator of the word day and night, you are still a slave to your shame-based nature in some form. Real life in Christ is us allowing the Holy Spirit to freely flow His thought life through our being in a prophetic way. This meaning, we receive instant revelation of the intents of God’s heart at any given moment. This includes visions and dreams during our sleeping hours. This is the life style we need to have if; we are going to learn how to love ourselves.

We must have a healthy self-image, which gives us the desire to nourish ourselves as Christ wants to nourish us. Man being influenced by the Holy Spirit, is what motivates us to want to help and lessen the burdens on people. This same influence has to begin with us wanting the same for our own wholeness. You can’t give God’s fellow feeling for others unless you are participating in it and receiving it for yourself.

We need to understand that, God’s is not a miser or a person who holds aught. He is a God of more than enough. God always gives more than we need because; He knows that we have a need to give the overflow away, which allows the Holy Spirit to flow through us with no restrictions. This is one of the main principles for maturity. This cannot take place if, we have a low self-image and really don’t know this God of more than enough. It makes us self centered and protective in nature. For me the revelation of this is something I crave to understand and be totally delivered from. Unless we allow God to show us how we can cooperate with Him and begin to flow in His unlimited desire to give in all areas, there will always be an underlined residue of us detesting, persecuting or loving our self less. Why? Because as I have said, our ignorance and lack of teaching and discipleship in our Christian walk has kept us from being fulfilled.

We have talked about hate and pride as this being the basic core of the devil’s personality. He then propagates these two characteristics by inflicting a verbal attack of bombarding our minds with guilt and condemnation. When we buy into this spirit, our shame based nature flourishes. Unless a man is allowing God to show him his bondages and delivering him from his self-centeredness, he will live in a mediocre inept state in the power of the Holy Spirit. No man can truly love his wife in this weakened state because, he is not able to nourish himself with God’s thoughts and become empowered to really show love in thought and action. The guilt and condemnation I hear coming out of peoples mouth at times is staggering. Now these are born again believers, many who have been saved for a number of years.

7.) For we are members of Christ’s body as if a part of His flesh and bone. If you look at this verse with just our common sense, God is a Spirit and He has no body that has flesh and bone. The very thing that motivates us to meditate on the word day and night is us, discovering the way God reasons and the unique way He formed the universe and His wonderful plan for us to inherit everything He has. Since God has no body other then Jesus who now sits at the right hand of God in heaven. How do we become a part of His flesh and bone? Let’s explore this idea.

In the Greek, the word flesh is sarx: meaning, to have a kindred spirit and recognize our human frailties. The word bone is osteon: meaning, with intensity and a searching on our part of obtaining the character and life style of Jesus when He walked the earth. This idea of having a kindred spirit meaning, we are learning to have mercy on ourselves as God reveals to us our shame-based nature that is still alive in us. This idea of bone represents that, we have to be actively with great passion co-operating with the Holy Spirit in having Him purify our thoughts and motives.

In Hebrews chapter 4, 5, Paul talks about Jesus total passion in His quest to constantly seek after God His father and feel His love and compassion for Himself and the people He came to die for. I will paraphrase what he said. Unless we are participating in this symbiotic relationship with the Holy Spirit, the compassion of God and His feelings can never anchor our souls. Now this is a two-way relationship. I am not convinced that the body of Christ is aware of the human battle Jesus encountered on the earth to do His fathers will. The real issue is when we became born again, we became a part of Christ’s flesh and bone, nothing we do will ever change that, because we are permanently connected to Him. Unless we come to understand and connect in fellowship with Him in empathy ways, we never come to know the high position and esteem we hold in His eyes.

Paul states, “Now there is not a creature that exists that can hide their true intensions of their heart from God because everything is naked and exposed to Him for He knows the hearts of men. He is the mediator between God the Father and mankind because, He has run His race and has passed on into the heavenly realm. He now stands as our High Priest and defender to God for us.

He understands and is sympathetic and has felt our weakness and the temptation that comes upon us because, when He walked the earth He fought the same battle yet without sinning. Now if we really understand this, we can boldly draw close to God to receive His grace and feel His total acceptance, experience His hugs, and comfort just where and when we need it. Jesus in the days of his flesh prayed for specific things for not only the things that He wanted but for the things that He needed. He did this with great passion and with strong tears and crying. God always heard Him because He walked with a reverence toward God because; He shrank from the horrors of being separated from the presences of His Father. He learned obedience through the things that He suffered. He is now the author and source of eternal salvation to those who listen and follow His example.”

We have been describing in this article how our relationship with the Lord filters down to our relationship with our mate and to our children. It obvious to me that, we have to be anchored in our relationship to the degree that, we see and understand that Jesus gave up His divinity to become human so that, he could relate to His creation. In my conversation with people over the years, I don’t thing we really relate to Jesus as being a human being. He is Jesus the Son of God and He is sovereign with all power and authority.

However, because we have never been discipled to know Jesus Christ the God-man servant, our understanding is that if, we don’t fly right and conform to so called religious protocol, we will be discarded by God and man. This attitude does not promote an attitude of trust and hunger for more of God presence in ones life and that, is being understated.

Philippians 2:7 says, “Jesus stripped Himself of all privileges and rightful dignity as to assume the outward appearance of a servant in that, He became like a man and was born a human being. After He appeared to people and related to them in human form, He humbled Himself further and carried His obedience to the extreme by dying on the cross. Because of this God has now made Him very significant. Because He (Jesus) has stooped so low, God has highly exalted Him and has bestowed on Him the name that is above every name. That at the name of Jesus every knee must bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue openly confess and acknowledge that Jesus Christ Is Lord.” We have to come to believe that, God the Father looks at us as His children also and He loves us and wants us to take our lawful place at His side.

Our shame-based nature cannot fathom this position. It boggles our mind in understanding how God could care for us like this. Being saved forty years and continuing to fight the good fight of faith, I am constantly amazed how God continually encourages and comes to my rescue repeatedly with out judgment. He is relentless in His pursuit to free us from all the crevices of life we have a tendency to be caught up in. It is crucial that, we identify with God’s holding power in our lives.

In Eph 3:16-19 Paul writes, “It is God’s intensions for us to have the Holy Spirit so deeply anchored in our soul and personality that, we will live with an overwhelming security of knowing the holding power of God’s love. He defines it as a breadth, depth, height and length. It is God’s intensions for us to personally experience this in our entire being with our emotions; in turn, it ends up totally dominating our lives. It is this kind of relationship which empowers us to fulfill God’s purposes super abundantly in our lives, which goes beyond our wildest expectations.” We are not only talking about our financial needs here.

The basic core of life is loving relationships. It’s us experiencing this relationship with God that, gives us the want to, to submit without intimidation to make Jesus Christ, Lord over our lives. It’s then that, we will begin to manifest an unending appetite in totally trusting in His mercy and grace, and openly confess our appreciation and walk in reverence and awe in us totally submitting to His example.

8.) For this cause, a man shall leave his mother and his father and join himself to his wife, and the two of them shall become one flesh. We see hear that it says, for this cause. We could put it this way and say, because of us now walking in an understanding of our commitment of two people saying, “I DO.” I can now leave the milk diet of being nourished by my mother and fathers protected environment and start a new cell of growth and propagate the Lord’s family, as He intended in spirit and in truth.”

There can be no vital joining between two if, God is not nourishing and molding the relationship. Some times, I really wonder how many marriages are really God centered. This idea of learning about being married and how a healthy relationship needs to take place is for every one. You may have two people that are born again, love the Lord, and still be ignorant of how a married relationship was ordained to function as God intended.

We see here that becoming one flesh is not to be interpreted as having sexual intercourse. I say that because, I have heard it over the years preached that way. When a loving spirit and selflessness does not exist in a relationship between mates, what we have is spousal abuse in one form or another. Our example of marriage is us having intimacy and a fellow feeling with God’s thoughts. It is also us knowing internally that God really cares for us, anything less cannot motivate a healthy marriage. When we talk about intimacy we mean, a close and confidential friendship. At times, we sense things without words.

My wife and I have had to overcome some real co-dependant attitudes over the years and walk through some unfulfilled expectations. There has to come an awareness between two people that, marriage is an on going discovery through God of what He meant when He said. “It is not good for man to live alone, so I will give him a help-meet.”

This type of love relationship and us acknowledging our need for it, can be very painful at times. It depends how long you have been living in ignorance and a lack of vision of what God really intended between a man and a woman. Where this scripture says for this cause is the real issue. A cause is anything that produces an effect or result in ones life. If our choices are not grounded in sound biblical principles of God, the results is unnecessary pain, sorrow and loss. It can be in this case marrying the wrong person. In many cases a born again believer will marry a person not born again. When this happens you violate one of God’s decrees that says, do not be unequally yoked with a non-believer. One of the many things that cause divorce is over two people having different beliefs. Unless there are common goals set down before marriage and discussed, you end up with two people living together still trying to find their identity because, they are still children in their thinking.

Marriage is a 100-100 percent relationship. There is much to be learned and discussed here if, your marriage is faltering in not understanding this principle. Unless two people know who they are and are totally independent in thought and actions, they never have the freedom to understand what inter-dependency is all about. Many marriages are formed on the idea that, where one is weak the other compliments the weakness. This couldn’t be any farther from the truth. True inter-dependency says, “It is my joy to do for you. Your needs and wants are my desire. I choose this day by saying I do to put your desires first in my life before mine” Now understanding this, a person would have to step back and think, “Do I feel this way and want to do this.”

All trials of marriage are common to all couples. However, each trial or problem has to have tender and personal care for healing. This is where intimacy and fellow feelings heavily come to bear. Marriage counseling is needed at times. However, it must be sound and prophetically based. This meaning that, the one counseling better have his or her ear tuned by the leading of the Holy Spirit. Knowing the scriptures is imperative and that is an under statement. Knowing when and how to impart God’s wisdom is absolutely critical. A doctor doing heart surgery had better know how to use His surgical instrument or the patient dies. I have heard of some ridiculous counseling techniques that damage relationships rather then healing them. Therefore, our cause better be sound and understood before leaving mom and dad’s protective hedge.

9.) This mystery (Or dialogue) is very great, but I am using this example of marriage as the relationship between Christ and His body the church. What a statement to ponder and explore. If ever a verse described relationship between God and between two people, this confirms it. A dialogue is an open exchange of different points of view for the purpose of mutual understanding. It’s the continual exploration of learning about God’s heart and the heart of our mate. If man as we said, is wonderfully made by God and something to stand back and be admired. Even more, man is still at a point of being perfected and discovering who he will become. Our exploration of God showing us how highly He thinks of us must be something, we are interacting with Him because, it role models and fuels our relationship with our mates.

In Isaiah 1:18 God says, “Come let us reason together, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red as crimson, they shall be white as wool.” Have you ever tried to talk to someone that you could not reason with? Where there is no reasoning, there is no healing, no growing or covenant relationship of common need and acceptance.

When we reason with someone, intense feelings come to the surface and it takes a disciplined, committed attitude to endure some uncomfortable and at times distasteful comments that offend your integrity. We need to function in the gift of reasoning, which is a gift of God, and involve ourselves in a dialogue with God and with each other.

God uses these conversations to expose the truth of how we really feel inside. Scripture tells us that what comes out of our heart in words tells us what we really believe in our hearts.

The real battle for intimacy between God and our mates is because; we don’t realize that, what we believe is not in line with our emotions or feelings. You may say that, we are lying to ourselves. That means we are co-dependent not independent. This is a subject in it self. Read the three stages of growth and love on our web site, it will help you to better identify where you are in your Christian growth.

Jesus in John 3:19 said, “He is the light of the world. However, man in His basic beastly shame-based nature is addicted to living in the darkness or in denial. When we begin to reason with God privately and let God heal all of our relationships with our mate and the people that come into our arena of life, some uncomfortable revelations are going to come into our thinking and we are going to have to ask God to forgive us and have to forgive ourselves as well some people we have offended. ”

Earlier when we talked about hatred, pride, guilt and condemnation as being all the qualities connected to our shame based nature. We can see how powerful these emotions and entities are in our lives. These demonic powers main goal is to keep our hearts closed from receiving revelation knowledge from the Holy Spirit. Being addicted to these traits stops the Holy Spirit from delivering us from our co-dependent state. Unless we are letting the Holy Spirit view our hearts with His compassionate nature and making us aware that He loves us in spite of ourselves. We live in denial and living in this darkened state is the fig leaf mentality that Adam and Eve were contaminated with in the Garden of Eden. Whenever we hide from God in any form, this stops the flow of the Holy Spirit from washing our soul with His words of love and comfort. A healthy marriage relationship between Adam and Eve ended when they put their fig leaves on and hid from God and each other.

10.) So, let each one of you with out exception love his wife as he loves himself; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband and admires him exceedingly.” Therefore, we see the conditions that a man has to conform to for him to love his wife. It is obvious that a man cannot love his wife in his own strength.

He needs to love himself first and we have from scripture defined what has to take place for this to happen. It says that a woman needs to revere and admire him exceedingly. These are some profound orders from the Lord. The word revere means, with an attitude of awe and respect. When my wife and I began to see the idea of what marriage represents, because we had no training or concept of the gravity of what we committed to when we said I Do. We have had to learn by trial and error. It has only been by the mercy of God and our endeavor to seek God and each other, which has kept our marriage growing over these many years.

There is one main principle that must be actively operating in our lives that heals and enriches our relationship with God and our relationship with one another. It is found in Ephesians 4:30-32, 5:1-2. It is the principle that made Jesus lay down His life for His creation. Paul the Apostle states, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit. You have been branded as God’s own the day you made Jesus your Savior. Let all bitterness, anger, and demands or protests with a feeling of having a will to injure one another, be put away as your main goal in your relationships. Instead, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you for Christ’s sake because; you realize that, you are God’s children. Walk in love by experiencing Christ’s love for you because He offered Himself as a sacrifice to God as a sweet smelling savior. ”

It looks like we have come full circle. I never know when starting to write these articles where the Spirit of God will lead me. When it is all said and done the word that hits me between the eyes is forgiveness. It is the Spirit of God’s grace and His total unmerited favor. This is the Spirit that we need to swim in as we grow in our relationship with God and our mate. The word forgiveness in the Greek is charizomai: meaning, granting a favor to someone. What we really need to understand is that our act of forgiveness has to be empowered and motivated by the influences of the Holy Spirits nudging with in us.

                 It is the Spirit of forgiveness that binds us all together.

The more God informs me of the wealth He wants to give me in my relationships with Him and with my wife, children and all others in my life. The more I recognize my need to let go and let God have His way, so that he can answer my prayers. Life at times is a roller coaster ride for me. God has always been there on the ride. Sometimes I was aware of it and sometimes I wasn’t.

Let me remind you as I remind myself. People that God has the closest to you, is the way we learn how to love. These relationships can inflict some deep emotional hurts that linger for a while. For me I am learning to avoid these types of skirmishes. I haven’t arrived yet. One thing I am learning is to run to that secret place in my heart where the Holy Spirit and I have our daily meetings, where I get comfort for my growing pains.

Have you recognized through experience that, God never quits on you and He lavishes His forgiving Spirit on you to the point that, you long to have it shower on you night and day. When we married our mates, we married a relationship with God also. Remember when God showed up in the Garden, He had fellowship with Adam and Eve. The three of them had fellowship together. I haven’t met any couples that have been married for what ever that have arrived at some perfect bliss. Over the years, I have heard statements from people that tell me things like. “I have been married for years and my wife and I never fight.” The first time I heard that, I thought my marriage must really be bad.

When we were raising our children, it seemed like we were constantly fighting over money matters and fears of one kind or another. This first born again believer, who told me that he never fought with his wife ended up in divorce because of infidelity. Marriage is a very real challenge, but the growing pains of two people growing together with God in the middle of it is more then rewarding. I don’t have all the answers and after forty years, I am still trying to learn how my wife ticks. With God on my side, the next forty years with my wife will get better and better. As I have said, it is very meaningful when you have mature Christian friends that you can share your growing pains with. It is my prayer that you will allow the Holy Spirit to take a more active roll in your thought life. I have come to know that, He is the only counselor that must have priority in our lives on all our decision-making.